it's been a rough day

The tough days get farther and farther apart, but sometimes I think that only makes the hard days seem harder. I look into the eyes of my sweet little grandsons and I see your face. you are missing this...they are missing meeting you and it sucks! I heard today that Flogging Molly is having a show this summer and I thought "Damn me, you, and Sean should totally go to that show!!!"...My Chemical Romance is gonna be here in may and you should be going with Sean for his birthday...and the fact that you are not here sucks too!! Today every song reminded me of you, I heard your laughfter in the wind and I saw your face in every crowd. I miss you punk.......

The beauty within..

With all the stress and frustration I have been feeling as of late I made the decision to take a moment this morning and do some meditation and spiritual reading. There are certain authors I tend to turn to when I need a boost. For example when I am feeling self centered I try to read His Holiness the Dalai Lama, when I am feeling a lack of confidence its Maya Angelou that gets me through. Today it was Silver Ravenwolf. She writes about finding the beauty and peace within yourself, and  says that sometimes closing yourself to the outside world is just the medicine you need to recharge.

 Being a photographer it is easy for me to see the beauty that surrounds me, no matter where I happen to be. For me if the surroundings are lovely and peaceful than I reflect that feeling. So it stands to reason that if I find the peace and comfort within myself that I need to feel okay today than I will manifest that outwardly and be at peace and stress free. Just a thought....



Legends, Veterans and Rookies oh my

For several years now the legends and Veterans of the wrestling business in Texas have gotten together at the Texas Shoot out.

This year Deshawn and I had the awesome pleasure of being able to attend.

 The event was held in Ft. Worth and as soon as we walked in we were both dumbfounded. It was a truly amazing thing to see! That many people in the same room that gave so much of themselves to wrestling entertainment wa inspiring to say the least.Many of the Veterans spoke about the brotherhood of wrestlers and how much the business has changed. Deshawn got to meet people that changed the face of wrestling like Jake the snake Roberts, and like Iceman King Parsons who was the first African- American man to hold a world championship title. There were promoters there as well , of course Richard "Lvis" and Tammy were there as well as Killer Tim Brooks and  Cowboy Johnny Mantell who is actually the one who put the shoot out together with his fantastic wife Kay. I was so proud of my husband who worked the room like a true professional. He talked little and listened a lot. It was a great afternoon, and even though times are tough for my little family having a day like that was a pretty awesome shinning moment I know my husband will never forget.

feeling the pressure

Wow I am really feeling the pressure of life right now. School has become extremely challenging for me, which I guess is a good thing but it is wearing on my brain!

 My health is taking a  lot out of me as well. While somethings have greatly improved like all my "female" issue, I am finding new ailments creeping up that are both scary and frustrating. After the surgery I developed a blood clot in my right lung, which has now multiplied in to two blood clots. I have been on blood thinners since January with no change in my blood levels. If that was not enough of a pain in my behind I now have walking pneumonia.

It seems that the universe is trying to teach me a lesson here and for what ever reason I am just not getting it. Maybe it is to learn to take care of myself first and stop being such a people pleaser, maybe it is to show me that if you just slow down life wont seem to be passing you by, or maybe its just that I am destined to be a sickly person...I have no clue apparently!

I try to think of things that I am grateful for, and there is a lot in my life today. Like the fact that I get to wake up to two beautiful little smiles every morning, I have the most patient understanding partner in the world, my kid is healthy and safe. Really I have a good life, it just is very full and at times very overwhelming.

Sometimes I get caught up in the thought that this aggravation I am experiencing is just my karma for being such a horrible teenager, then I think...aren't I paid up already? I mean seriously I wasn't THAT bad!

 I try not to get into that "poor pitiful me" way of thinking but at times that is very hard to do. Some days I just want it to be about me. I want people to tell me what a strong person I am and that I can do this, but lately I have felt like everyone else's cheerleader and I am without any cheering! I often tell clients that the only person who can make you happy is you...today that feels like a lot of pressure!

Life as I know it...

Aww life with twins!! What a joy and a challenge! A couple of weeks ago it became necessary for Sean, Eden and the boys to move back in with Deshawn and I.

It has been an adjustment on all of us but I think for the most part we are all doing fine. Deshawn and I had to rearrange our study time and I had to understand that they are not MY kids but we are making it. I love waking up every morning and seeing their cute little faces!! My house smells like baby shampoo and diapers but its all good! I am blessed that I get the opportunity to spend so much time with my grandkids! I did not have that when I was young, and even though I was very close to my Grandmother in my adult life