feeling the pressure

Wow I am really feeling the pressure of life right now. School has become extremely challenging for me, which I guess is a good thing but it is wearing on my brain!

 My health is taking a  lot out of me as well. While somethings have greatly improved like all my "female" issue, I am finding new ailments creeping up that are both scary and frustrating. After the surgery I developed a blood clot in my right lung, which has now multiplied in to two blood clots. I have been on blood thinners since January with no change in my blood levels. If that was not enough of a pain in my behind I now have walking pneumonia.

It seems that the universe is trying to teach me a lesson here and for what ever reason I am just not getting it. Maybe it is to learn to take care of myself first and stop being such a people pleaser, maybe it is to show me that if you just slow down life wont seem to be passing you by, or maybe its just that I am destined to be a sickly person...I have no clue apparently!

I try to think of things that I am grateful for, and there is a lot in my life today. Like the fact that I get to wake up to two beautiful little smiles every morning, I have the most patient understanding partner in the world, my kid is healthy and safe. Really I have a good life, it just is very full and at times very overwhelming.

Sometimes I get caught up in the thought that this aggravation I am experiencing is just my karma for being such a horrible teenager, then I think...aren't I paid up already? I mean seriously I wasn't THAT bad!

 I try not to get into that "poor pitiful me" way of thinking but at times that is very hard to do. Some days I just want it to be about me. I want people to tell me what a strong person I am and that I can do this, but lately I have felt like everyone else's cheerleader and I am without any cheering! I often tell clients that the only person who can make you happy is you...today that feels like a lot of pressure!