just how I feel today

Do you ever one of those days where you just feel not good enough? I am sure that most people feel like this at some point in their lives but I seem to feel like this often. I try to talk to people about it but it always seems like I am fishing for compliments or something. I am not. I just feel like I am not the person people want me to be. Now I know that the only person that truly matters is me but we all want  people to accept us and like us. Right now I feel as if I am letting everyone down including myself and I am not sure how to fix that feeling. I am feeling like if I just stopped doing whatever it is that I am doing that seems to annoy everyone then everyone would be happy with me. The problem is I don't know what it is I am doing wrong and when I ask no one seems to be able to tell me exactly what it is...they do tell me that I do things that make them angry but that can't seem to explain exactly what that is. Mostly I get " I don't like the way you express your feelings" or " I don't like it when you talk to other people about what is going on in the house"... I am not sure how to change how I express myself other than to watch my tone of voice and try to think about what I am saying before I say it. As far as talking to other people...well that's just how I process stuff. I gather opinions, ideas and perceptions and go from there...I am a counselor that's what we do. I am not sure how to change that or if I should change that. I am an advocate for change, but I am also aware of the motivations for change, the best  motivation should be the want or need to better yourself for yourself....changing to make some one like you more does not seem healthy to me. I want  certain people to WANT to be around me and I feel like I am spinning my wheels trying to make that happen and its just not working.

What I have learned today....

I have been pondering over the idea of my own self worth for many weeks now. It all started when I saw Sarah Ferguson on the Oprah show and she asked what self-worth was, this got me to thinking about my own self worth or the lack there of. I have been feeling very worthless of late, my family is going through a tough time financially and because I have been unable to find work I feel like I am part of the problem and not part of the solution. In my last blog I asked if self worth was found by helping others than is my self worth wrapped up in other people. I got great feed back from several people. Ultimately what I am learning is that we all are born "Worthy" and that it is up to us to feel and do things that promote that worthiness. I was watching a show tonight about Oprah and she said " all of life is about growing to your own personal best." As she spoke those words I had an "AH-HA" moment....I will find my self worth when I do what it is that the universe has meant for me to do. I am a firm believer in that there are no accidents, that everything happens for a reason. The events of my life are leading me down a path, and it is that journey that holds my purpose in life. I believe today that I am meant to share my journey with others so that they may find there own strength to do what they must do to make their life better. This is why I have been lead to becoming a counselor, this is my gift to give to others, this is my place of self-worth. There is a flow to the energy of the universe and when I am in sync with what the universe has planned for me that flow feels very natural, when I fight the plan I am out of sync. The universe first speaks to us in a whisper....today I am learning to listen to the whisper so that I don't have to get hit by a brick.